Obviously.

CPR manual

So...that pretty much leaves zero options.

100 Random things to Say **NEW - UPDATE 1 OF 4**

Because you are all so amazingly awesome I am posting a brand new list of 100 random things to say! I will be posting 4 sets of 25. Feel free to add your own in the comments section, you will be rewarded with recognition, if you so desire.

 Enjoy:

1. (in response to what are you doing) Oh you know, just hunting elephants.

2.  Look, I already told you... Your hair...it looks like a dead rat. I think it's actually moving...(slowly scoot away in terror)

THANKS ANONYMOUS POSTING FRIEND!

3. Your dog looks like a coconut.

4. Penguins make delectable appetizers when paired with the right cheese.

5. I was watching TV the other day, when my favorite song started playing in my car. That's when I realized...today string cheese is absolutely mortifying when faced with a 3 legged stripper named prometheus. I mean, that's why I didn't do my homework last night.

THANKS ANONYMOUS POSTING FRIEND!

6. Is that a hangnail or are you just happy to see me?

7. My goldfish has been acting extremely sassy lately.

8. Your breath smells like pigfarts.

9. I really like dinosaurs. If you agree, please take two steps to the left of the refrigerator next to the toilet. Thank you.

THANKS ANONYMOUS POSTING FRIEND!

10. You are so adorable that I feel a burning desire to leave cheese in your mailbox.

11. I would love to beat you with a small child.

12. Sometimes, I like to wear all brown clothes, lay on the ground and pretend I am a potato.

13. I am so done buying onions. They always make me feel depressed and cry,

14.  I once was attacked by a gang on cockroaches. They had knives and matching leather vest patches.

15. I've been living in your closet for the past 4 days.

16. Shh.... The asparagus is finally sleeping.

17. Excuse me, have you seen my hooker? She's escaped again.

18.  I'm too drunk to taste this bean dip.

19. Excuse me...that was me...

20. Nice to meet you, my name is (your name), and I am the president of pink bananas.

21. Eww...did you just fart?...of sorry...twas me..MUAHAHAHA!

22. You know, I am not saying that you talk too much but you might try using a glue stick instead of chapstick.

23. So..I think I ate your gerbil...

24. Please, I only do my taxes in public saunas.

25.  How dare you insult my popsicle...

original- 100 random things to say

It's because. ..

True story.

Watch yo phrasing!